Why You Never Leave a Match Early!

Thursday 29th September: WSL: Walton Hall Park: Everton Women vs Leicester City Women

In preparation for being trapped on Merseyside and being unable to get to any football this weekend I chose to scoop up a last-minute ticket to Everton Women’s first home game of the season. This match was the re-arranged match from the opening day weekend that was originally postponed as a mark of respect after the passing of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II. For most of the 90 minutes it was looking like it would have been a better decision to leave the match unplayed.

Not only was I expecting to be guaranteed a great game as the hosts looked to solidify the loyalty of the new fans, secured with their crushing derby victory at Anfield days earlier, but also an easy home win to eulogise about. The home win was expected because the Anfield conquerors, something their Male equivalents haven’t been for decades now, were faced with the simple task of disposing with an abysmal Leicester City team that were only off the bottom of the table on goal difference.

Leicester City had yet to score off their own merit in their opening 2 games of the season losing them 0-2 and 1-2 respectively, the goal credited to them in that second game was actually an own goal by Spur’s Drew Spence. Those games for the foxes had been at home, whilst Everton were coming into this one having just done their city rivals and were now bringing those good vibes home for their first home match of the campaign.

Even better signs of an easy Everton victory came from the stability of having a manager, in Brian Sorensen, who looks like he has the respect of the players and may last more than a couple of months. The energy brought to the team by the breakthrough of youngsters Hanna Bennison and Jess Park (on loan from Man City) was infectious and the fans before kick-off shared my enthusiasm for the match to come. Both of these young ladies were players I picked out in my blog’s last season as having great potential, so to see them hitting their strides with a goal each at Anfield was glorious. It would have been even better to see those goals in person, but confusion over the kick-off time and work commitments meant I was unable to make that game. No matter though as the record-breaking win the hosts were bound to secure here would doubtless make up for it.

Oh, how naive that optimism was. Once I’d actually made it to Walton Hall Park and through the turnstiles, after a little issue with my e-ticket, it became clear that nothing had happened over the summer to improve the facilities at this little suburban stadium. The small burger van on wheels was hidden round the corner from the stands, the service was glacially slow, the food was tasteless and there was no view of the pitch from the queue.

This last fact was actually extremely useful towards the end of the first half. For now though it was just infuriating and this frustration was not helped by the fact that fans continue to be unable to occupy any more than one side of the pitch and half of each end behind the goals, the rest of the stadium being cordoned off with barriers. To have the stadium capacity cut in half for no obvious reason does not appear to be the smartest way of drawing new supporters into Women’s football.

The one lesson that had been learnt from last season though was that when the teams came out to line-up before the match they ought to stand facing the fans. This was a huge step up on last season’s back to the fans welcome to matches, but the fare on the pitch after kick-off was a plunge off a cliff after the silky-smooth football on show at this summer’s Women’s Euro.

Shortly after kick-off it became crystal clear what the rhythm of the game would be as Everton took control of the midfield battle and very rarely ventured forward into the Leicester half. They were content to simply keep the ball away from their visitors and play out the game as an exhibition of the pass-but-go-nowhere game that many other teams over the decades have been accused of devolving into. Leicester for their part simply dropped into a flat 5 defensive line and invited the hosts to try and break them down. Perhaps with 2 losses to their name already this season and no faith in their ability to score goals they were happy to suck the flow from the game and pray to escape with a draw.

In this atmosphere of apathy towards attacking football from both teams it was no surprise that it took until the 20th minute for either team to create even a half-decent attacking chance. It was the hosts who broke out of their pass it around mould and decided that forward was the new sideways. Jess Park played a little flick round the corner to herself to break free of her marker’s shackles on the right wing and drove forward to the edge of the box before firing her cross a yard or so behind the run of Izzy Christiansen in the centre. The cross was truly awful as it gave time for the floundering Leicester defence to re-organise themselves and hack the ball back into the midfield melee, but at least seeing a team go forward was progress.

Five minutes after the first chance of the match fell to the hosts Leicester decided to follow their example and drive forward themselves. This time Park was left waving her hands in the air as Ashliegh Plumptre glided past her on the touchline then advanced to the edge of the box and fed Shannon O’Brien who smashed the ball straight the throat of Emily Ramsey, Everton’s goalkeeper for this one. The ease with which the ball ended up on O’Brien’s boots and the fact that Park refused to play to the whistle and turned statuesque once it was clear the ref was not intervening in play were both signs to worry Sorensen, as it looked like Leicester might build a foothold in the match. He needn’t have worried though as in the aftermath of this duo of chances the match returned to its former state of midfield dross.

This state of affairs, on top of my previous match seeing Brentford be ripped apart by Arsenal at home, had demoralised me so much by the 33rd minute that I decided to save myself from witnessing the final 12 minutes of the half by going to buy some chips. This break from the game led to me missing exactly zero goals as confirmed by home fan laughing and saying ‘nothing at all’ when I asked him what I’d missed on my return to the side of the pitch as the teams headed down the tunnel for half-time.

Everton’s substitutes were warming up on the pitch 5 minutes before the rest of the players emerged from the tunnel for the second half, Plumptre and Sam Tierney striding out infront of the rest of the Leicester team. Despite this extra warmup for the home substitutes seeming to herald the arrival of some changes off Sorensen’s bench neither manager chose to dip into their benches to change the game. The game was desperately in need of something new to change the course of events as there had been precious little to be optimistic about in the dire fare of the first 45 minutes.

The hopes of any visible improvement to matters in the second half were quickly dashed against the rocks of reality as a simple goal-kick for Leicester was put straight out by Jemma Purfield on the left touchline as she tried to bring the ball under her control. Katja Snoeijs had been a mere spectator up-front all match and both keepers, Emily Ramsey and Kirstie Levell could’ve taken naps in their boxes without any of the other players noticing.

With the game dawdling forward as it was the fact that it took until the 55th minute for either manager to look to their bench for inspiration may either be a comment on their apathetic approach to the match or their complete lack of faith in the quality of those they could bring on. From my point of view as a spectator on the sidelines I was certain that at the very least no change could make this game any worse. I may have been wrong on that though as the first player Leicester brought on, Natasha Flint, was subbed off herself in the added time tacked on to the regulation 90 for Connie Scofield. To be subbed both on and then off just 35 minutes later, though it felt like 95, is a humiliating experience for any footballer but in this match any of the players were lucky to last more than half an hour without being hauled off for the shockingly awful fare they were dishing up.

The first Everton player wasn’t hooked from the field until the 61st minute as Sorensen held onto the false hope that his starting 11 could create any chances of note for far too long. When the substitution came though Sorensen made it a double, but a very strange double indeed. He removed Aurora Galli and midfield dynamo Izzy Christiansen from play at this point and sent on Karen Holmgaard and Hanna Bennison on in their places. Whilst I was glad to see Bennison enter the field of play, I was perturbed that she did so at the expense of Christiansen. Not only did this mean those 2 players were in direct competition for a starting berth but also that Everton were robbed of the service a midfield partnership with unlimited creative potential, at a time when creative play was just what the doctor ordered.

These changes made little effect on the pattern of the game so 10 minutes later Sorensen took another double off the bench. This time the creative players sacrificed were Gabi George and Jess Park, the only bright spot of Everton’s soul-destroyingly awful performance thus far. Their places on the grass were taken by Giovana Quieroz Costa, known as Gio, and Elise Stenevik but these once again had no effect on the match so with 5 minutes of torture remaining Sorensen’s final Hail Mary was released, Leonie Majer on for Katrine Veje at full back, which predictably failed to affect the match either.

Lydia Bedford in the Leicester dugout also took her own double shot at changing the match around in the 75th minute as Josie Green and Shannon O’Brien, the only Leicester player to have a presentable chance, made way for CJ Bott and Missy Goodwin. By this point in the match I had grown so bored by the dross being presented on the pitch that I took the chance to take a glimpse at my work WhattsApp group to see if there was anything interesting on it.

For context, work is always something I have had no interest engaging in anything to do with even back in the heady days of late 2020 and early 2021, when it was a team that I had built from the ground up which I adored working with that work provided to me. Even in those Caanan days nearly everything in my life took precedence over work and yet here it was being relied on as a distraction from football, a sport which has got me through countless dark periods in my life. That’s just how soul-destroying this game had become.

I was amazed in the 80th minute that either team had finally done enough attacking to earn the first corner of the match, but not surprised in the slightest when this and its successor in the 85th minute were completely wasted. At this point I was convinced that it would be conclusive proof that miracles are a real thing if a goal was seen in what remained of this dreadful match, so the despair that enveloped me when the board showed a minimum of 3 minutes of added time at the end of the match. A fellow fan said that “you could give them 3 hours and they couldn’t score” and I chuckled to myself at just how right she was.

The only thing keeping me from making a dart for the exit at this point was my personal commitment to never leaving a game early. I’d stuck to that commitment last weekend when Arsenal were gunning my beloved Brentford to smithereens and I wasn’t about to renege on it now. Last week I received no reward at all for my commitment, but it evened out this week as I was treated to the most hilarious of miracles to win the game for the hosts.

Steady yourselves, it wasn’t the miracle of either team actually scoring a goal under their own steam but instead it was one of the most fittingly ridiculous own goals you are ever likely to witness on a football pitch. Bennison floated a freekick from the left wing over harmlessly over the heads of all the players out to the back post where, under no pressure at all, Kirstie Levell in the Leicester goal decided that rather than letting the ball whizz out for a goal kick she would try and catch it instead.

This did not go well for Levell and the next few seconds will almost definitely be on her ‘forget that ever happened’ list. The ball, which was sailing harmlessly wide, bounced off her outstretched gloves and the deflection took it over the goal-line, breaking the cast-iron deadlock on the scoresheet and guaranteeing Everton a gift-wrapped victory that had appeared to be a million miles away just seconds earlier. I say guaranteeing as this was the final action of the game, with the referee putting the match out of its misery as Leicester kicked off again.

There were times in the second half where my commitment to stay to the end of every match I attend was tested and I came close to walking out on the dross I was witnessing, but the hilariously appropriate ending to it made the rest of the match worth suffering through. That Ladies and Gentlemen is the tale of Everton’s first home WSL match of the season and also the reason why you never leave a match early.

Apologies for the largely negative tone of my last 2 blogs, but that just reflects the dreadful level of football I’ve been subjected too in my last 2 matches. Also feeding into it is the deep dissatisfaction I feel towards the course my life has taken recently. This feeling has not been helped by the rail strikes today, that stopped me getting to any football, and those planned for next Saturday, which look likely to prevent me making it to St. James’ Park for Brentford’s visit to that glorious and legendary stadium.

I loved visiting that stadium last season and I hope to make it again, but in the likely event that the train strike has me stymied once again I have no other games currently in the plan for the whole of October. I’m sure that’ll change as I find matches that excite me and conjure up a way to make them. Enjoy your October and I’ll see you with the return of the blog when I manage to make it to make it to another match.

Hopefully that match will be slightly more exciting than these last few.