I really should have learnt better by now than to go to matches at the soulless warehouse belonging to the English franchise of the biggest corporate entity in global football.
I have been to countless matches there and only enjoyed one due to a virtuoso performance from their employee of the year, Erling Haaland.
Yep that’s right I was back at the Etihad on Tuesday to see if my beloved Bees could follow up the miracle of Wolverhampton by emerging from City’s lair with all 3 points for the second season running.
That was always going to be a tall order, as the Manchester franchise is by far and away the most successful of the corporation’s 13 international outposts, but with Kevin DeBruyne left on the bench and Haaland suffering a dry spell in front of goal it was still possible right?
It seemed eminently possible as the match crawled through the first half with the visitors avoiding being bored to death by the corporation’s patented method of lateral 5 yard passes on the edge of the box.
I have never understand the draw of this drab brand of football and it seems that the locals didn’t either as even 30 minutes into the match there were still a plethora of empty seats in the home stands.
Perhaps part of that could be attributed to the truly atrocious weather that had seen the clouds unloading a torrent of water onto Manchester throughout the day, but then fans of most teams will follow their heroes to the ends of the earth no matter the weather…
Before the half hour mark it would’ve been acceptable to put this down to the breakdown of the local trams causing many people to have to walk from the central stations. That happened half an hour before kick-off though and the walk is 40 minutes tops.
The corporation is well aware of the limited appeal of it’s offering as they have the only stadium I’ve visited where there is Wi-Fi at you seat.
Despite the odd Brentford break to add excitement to proceedings it took less than 25minutes for the corporate franchise to bore me out of my skull and send me to check the scores from the lower leagues and the Champions League matches just to maintain my sanity.
From the growth of the empty seats around the stadium in the early exchanges of the second half it seems that many of the home supporters decided that 45 minutes of torture was quite enough, but they were about to miss the best part of the franchise’s night.
The worst part of City’s goal from an away fan’s perspective is that it came at the end of a 5 minute period where the Bees actually had the ball at their feet and were keeping it up the right end for once. Unfortunately nothing came of that possession and when City broke disaster struck.
The ball was punted forwards and looked to be landing at the feet of Kristoffer Ajer, until he slipped on the sodden ground and let the ball squirm past him. He was the last man and Haaland was rewarded for chasing a lost cause with the simplest chance to get back to scoring ways.
The Norwegian talisman put himself back on track for another colleague of the season award by slipping a simple finish past a marooned Mark Flekken, who had been brilliant on the few occasions he had been called on in the previous 70 minutes.
He was hardly called on in the remaining 19 minutes either as the corporates were happy to just sit on their lead and carry off the profit of the 3 points with their patented 5 yard pass to boredom style.
To be fair to them it worked and Brentford were far too willing to just sit back and let them get on with it.
The way to get after this franchise is to get physical with them, or at the very least close them down to within 10 yards when they have the ball and their visitors did that far too rarely across the 90 minutes.
I can only hope that they play far more on the front foot as I travel to see them take on West Ham United at the London Stadium on Monday, whilst next on the corporate franchise’s hit list is a Saturday afternoon trip to the seaside to take on AFC Bournemouth, on the other end of the football ownership scale.
For all the neutrals they will be hoping the fan’s club destroy the franchise beside the seaside as another City cakewalk to the title would spell doom for the Premier League from an entertainment and fan enjoyment perspective.
Liverpool may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but surely seeing them give Jurgen Klopp a heavy metal send off with a title, and a parade that all the fans can actually attend this time, would be a far better spectacle than seeing a couple of fans punch the air outside the Etihad after yet another City success.
Arsenal are also still in the title race and the outpouring of joy that would fill the streets of North London as Gunner’s fans see the trophy return to their part of the city for the first time since the Invincibles delivered glory 20 years ago would blow the joy of the Olympics across the Channel out of the water.
As a Londoner, Arsenal would be my first choice for the title but after what I had to endure on Tuesday I’ll take anyone but City.
The Football tourist 