Home Nightmares

With life beating me down recently, and taking on most of my friends too, and with time on my hands today whilst I wait in for workmen to come and sort out a few things at my flat (not to mention the urgent need to have a distraction from the doom of job-searching) I’ve decided to get back to blogging.

Whilst I have been to a couple of Brentford matches recently neither experience has inspired me to blog, despite how well the season is going overall. That may sound ungrateful to my team for the tremendous season they’re having; 7th in the Premier League, 4 points and one place below the defending champions and very much in the race for Europe but it’s simply a results of the performances in those games and how they have interacted with my current body chemistry.

Would you be inspired by watching your team’s second string (mostly) sneak past a 6th tier team thanks to an own goal that was extremely unlucky for the home team? Would you be inspired by watching your team’s first choice players spend the second half of a match doing their best to throw away a match that looked on course to be a record victory for much of the first? Would being bailed out by two lengthy and exceedingly dull VAR reviews make the victory sweeter and relievable for anyone?

It didn’t work for me and so I didn’t blog about either of those victories. Instead I’ve turned to some much needed home comforts to raise my spirits whilst I wait for the workmen to do their jobs.

Sometimes when feeling down yourself there is no greater boost than seeing others struggle too, at least that way you can take solace in the fact you are not alone in struggling and where better to turn for this medicine of schadenfreude than the home nightmares of Dr. Tottenham, the most efficacious doctor in the history of The Beautiful Game.

Before I lay into Spurs too hard for the current state they’ve put themselves in I want to take a second to state how sorry I feel for their loyal fans, who have followed them all over the country this season willing them on, paying huge ticket prices, travel expenses and hotel costs for away games only to be served up this pile of dross.

Those fans worst nightmares have come at the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium. Whilst most teams turn their home grounds into fortresses which other teams fear to visit Spurs have turned theirs into a point gifting machine for all visitors.

They have managed a paltry 2 wins on home turf all season, the first being an opening day win against newly promoted Burnley (who are nailed on for relegation) and the other coming on December 6th when Thomas Frank guided them to a 2-0 win over his old team.

That’s right Bees fans, we have the ‘distinction’ of being the last team Spurs beat at their North London home…

Before anyone at Spurs thinks they can laugh at us for that though I would request that they consider the following fact:
1. Due to their incredible FA Cup 3rd Round shock Macclesfield Town of the National League North, a phoenix club who have only existed for 6 years, have beaten more Premier League teams than you in 2026

Spurs league win came on 28th December 2025 at Selhurst Park, so I suppose they can take some solace from being just as good as a team from England’s 6th tier, though that solace may only go so far given the revenge Crystal Palace exacted upon them at the end of the first half on Thursday evening.

Not having been there myself I can’t tell you what was going through the minds of the Spurs’ players when Dominic Solanke poked home Archie Gray’s pinpoint cross in the 34th minute to give them the lead but my best guess is ‘AAAAAAAHHHH!!!!! What is happening?!?!’ and they dealt with the mental torment of leading at home by going full-on Spursy and going in at half-time 3-1 behind and down to 10-men.

I wish I could say that I was surprised by this turn of events but they didn’t get the nickname ‘Dr. Tottenham’ by being any good at doing things that are good for themselves, Doctors give gifts and in this case the gift was a deserved lead to one of their fellow bottom 3 in the form table.

Dr Tottenham are no better at completing comebacks when they equalise against a team that had taken the lead against them either. Palace’s win was the third of a hat-trick of home defeats starting with the 2-1 loss to Newcastle that lost Frank his job, where parity lasted for 4 whole minutes after their 64th minute equaliser.

Worse was to come for Dr. Tottenham a few days later under Igor Tudor where a 34th minute equaliser by Kolo Muani had them equal at half-time, only for their vicious North-London rivals Arsenal to rip them to shreds in the 2nd half and run out 4-1 winners for the second time this season…

The gulf in performance levels, standards and results between Spurs and their illustrious neighbours Arsenal is as painful for fans of the Lilywhites as it is hilarious for the rest of us. For the past few seasons Spurs fans have enjoyed teasing Arsenal fans for their propensity for finishing 2nd in the table, but I’m certain many of those fans would give up their houses, children and favourite childhood memories to be anywhere near second these days.

Before any Spurs fans say ‘well we were 17th last season, so what do you expect from us’ I would simply point to Manchester United, who finished 16th last season and yet currently sit 3rd in this season’s table and say “that”.

United were right down in the mire with Spurs at the end of last season, even losing the Europa League final to the proud Cockerels, but have turned things around this season and have won 4 of their 5 home games in 2026 (including a 2-0 defeats of Spurs and Man City).

If United can engineer such an incredible turn-around in their fortunes, whilst Spurs are odds on to be visiting Lincoln City next season then the problems go far beyond a bad season here or there and certainly far beyond the identity of the Man standing in the dugout week-in, week-out.

Spurs are a basket case of a team, but a great source of banter for supports of every other Premier League team. Next up on Spurs home nightmares playlist is a humongous relegation 6-pointer against fellow European explorers Nottingham Forrest, if they lose that match I struggle to see where their next win might come from.

That’s enough revelling in the doom and gloom of Tottenham’s current situation though, so I’d like to end this blog with 3 little rays of consolation for the long suffering Spurs fans.

1. I hear that Cardiff and Lincoln both have great stadiums, are really fun away days and both simple train journeys from North London, so you can drown your sorrows on the ride home.

2. You will still have multiple London derbies, to quench your thirst for rivalry games to let out your frustration on, against: Watford, QPR, Charlton Athletic and perhaps even Millwall (enjoy that away atmosphere).

3. You don’t even need to finish in the top 6 next season to qualify for the playoffs in the Championship next season as the EFL voted this week to expand the playoff path down to 8th place. Sure you’ll probably find a quintessentially Spursy way to finish 9th, but allow yourself to hope cause as we all know It’s The Hope That Kills You

That’s enough revelling in the pure, delicious and un-adulterated schadenfreude of Spurs’ home nightmares for now, as they take a week on the road themselves, but I might be back to enjoy it even more if (once) they lose to Forest.