The Football tourist

Monday 30th January 2023: FA Cup 4th Round: Pride Park: Derby County vs West Ham United

Casting my mind back to January once more, I completed a mad weekend of FA Cup fourth round football with a trip down to League One Derby County hoping to see them pull off an cupset against top tier West Ham Untied.

Derby were flying in the league; fourth in the table with a 9 point cushion to the bottom of the play off places: and as such they would have been confident of beating a Hammer’s team struggling to ward off relegation fears.

A quick perusal of the form book seemed to back up this confidence, after all what threat could a team that had only one away win to their name since boxing day pose to hosts that hadn’t lost over 90 minutes since 21st October. A huge one.

The Hammer’s form may have been intermittent at best, but they still had Premier League quality on their side and a confidence boosting win over Everton in their last game to hold onto. They had also overcome high-flying league rivals Brentford away from home in the last round, so the unfamiliar surroundings of Pride Park were unlikely to faze them much.

So it proved to be, with the carrot of a trip to Old Trafford in the next round perhaps proving too tempting for the visitors to collapse. Derby threw every at the Hammers and comfortably had the better of the opening exchanges.

The Rams charged down the left from kick-off. Within 30 seconds they had gored a hole in the Hammer’s defence to fashion the opening chance of the match. Unfortunately the cut back from the bye-line hit a Hammer’s toe, deflecting it away from the boot waiting expectantly to smash Derby into the lead.

The opening 9 minutes was all Derby as they threw the full kitchen at their visitors. Faster into the tackle and more skilful on the ball than their illustrious visitors it looked at this early stage that it was only a matter of time before the host’s broke through the Hammer’s dogged defence.

Shock reverberated through the stadium in the 10th minute when the visitors, who hadn’t been in the game at all in the opening minutes sprung from nowhere to take the lead.

The first hammer blow

In their first move of any note Hammer’s took the lead. Tomas Soucek blasted down the left and Derby were caught by such complete surprise by the blow that not a single player moved to halt his progress. The original shot was parried well by Wildsmith but the ball landed plush on the boot of Jarrod Bowen.

Bowen needed no second invitation to flash the ball into the unguarded net from point blank range. From nowhere West Ham now had a lead they would never relinquish despite the efforts of the hosts.

Seeing their visitors take the lead so utterly against the run of play enraged the Rams and they threw everything they had at the opposition. It was not enough. The closest they came to a fully deserved equaliser was a gorgeous first time volley by James Collins, that peeled the paint off the bar on it’s way over the top.

Derby’s dominance was particularly noticeable on their left as Tom Barkhuizen had the Hammer’s right back in his back pocket. If only one of his multitude of beautiful crosses had been met with a finish of commensurate quality things could have looked extremely different at the break.

As it was though, when the half-time whistle blew though it was the visitors who held the scoresheet advantage.

This was a travesty and a thorough mis-representation of the situation on the pitch throughout the half. The scoresheet is all that matters though and so West Ham were ahead.

Having half-time to rest and refresh helped the Rams rush out of the traps in the second half and reassert a simillar level of dominance to the level they had in the first half. They were first out of the tunnel and were also the first to create a presentable chance in this half.

Jason Knight decided to take on the Hammer’s single handed. Jinking past opponents on all sides he weaved his way to the edge of the box before arrowing a ball towards goal. Unfortunately the aim on his arrow was wayward and the ball went blasting yards wide of the right post.

It was not long before they created another chance though as Collins picked the ball up in the box with just the keeper to beat. Then he lost his footing and the visitors were able to clear.

The visitors were utterly under the cosh in the opening exchanges of both halves but once those opening exchanges were over first time round they took the lead. This time the opening exchanges lasted half the time that they had at the start of the game and at the end of them this time the visitors delivered the second, decisive hammer blow.

The Second Hammer Blow

Michail Antonio was the man who delivered the killer blow. Bowen, scorer of the first turned provider for the second, weaving through defender on the right was able to open up the home defence like a hot knife through butter. He was then able to find an incisive pass through what was left of the Ram’s defenders to lay the ball into the path of an unmarked Antonio in the six yard box for the striker to prod home into an unguarded net.

This blow seemed to destroy Derby’s belief that they could turn their dominance of possession into the goals they so badly needed to launch an unlikely comeback. Their forward forays became less and less ambitious. Surrendering the goal threat they had possessed for so much of the match was the worst part of their response as it deflated any hope of the game continuing to be a contest.

Perhaps Paul Warne, the Derby manager, sensed the doubt spreading like a virus through his 11 as he dredged the depths of his reserves for a quadruple substitution on the hour mark. Barkhuizen, Max Bird, Nathaniel Mendez-Laing and captain Curtis Davies were the players hooked. Eiran Cashin was sent on to take over captaincy duties. Liam Thompson, Lewis Dobbin and Tony Springett joined him on the field of play as part of Warne’s hail mary attempt to turn the scoresheet on it’s head. It didn’t work.

Indeed, it was the visitors who came closest to adding a third goal to proceedings. Further excellent work from Bowen down the wing opened up the home defence before pulling the ball to Said Benrahma. The Algerian spotted that Haudon Roberts was playing Pablo Fornals onside in the centre so he slipped the ball through to his teammate. Fornals blasted the ball towards goal, only to see his effort cannon off Wildsmith’s feet and away from target.

That was the last major chance of a match in which Derby dominated most of the play, but all that will go down in the history books is that they lost 2-0 to their Premier League opponents.

Derby deserved something for their efforts, but got nothing having been undone by two hammer blows.

Saturday 28th January 2023: EFL Championship: MKM Stadium: Hull City vs QPR

There is only one phrase to properly sum up Hull City Fc’s MKM Stadium; dreadful name, spinetingling atmosphere. The home fans made this one of the most enjoyable games I have attended in such a long time. Hull fans rock.

Fuelling them to create their incredible wall of noise was the belief that their recent improvement was just the start of an inexorable rise up the table. There was genuine hope among the home faithful that they could rise from their current 16th place all the way upto at least the playoffs by season’s end, if not further. Seeing ex-player Liam Rosenior return to take up the reigns in the dugout in November was yet another sign that they were now on the right track

The astute acquisition of Aaron Connolly on loan from Brighton for the rest of the season only served to fuel this feeling. Connolly has shown a ton of promise in his 3 appearances since joining the Tiger’s ranks and today he planned to celebrate his 23rd birthday by showing QPR exactly how it feels to be mauled by the Tigers.

Oh yeah, Queens Park Rangers were the visitors to the East Riding for this match. They sat 4 points and 3 places above their hosts at kick-off and in dreadful form. The last time they managed to win a game was back on December 17th; 1-0 away at Deepdale.

Hull’s form was no better as they have also only won once since the league restarted after the World Cup break; 4-1 away at rock bottom Wigan. They had the vociferous home support to push them on though and that proved to be the difference in this one. Well, that and Connolly on fire.

The Tigers tore into the visitors off the bat and set themselves on the way to mauling their visitors. With unstoppable momentum behind them and the unwavering support of their boisterous fans it took just 10 minutes for the host’s birthday boy to give them the lead. He provided the finishing touch to a sweeping team move. Just 10 touches were needed to take the ball from halfway to Connolly’s feet by the penalty spot. He stroked the ball home, past 3 defenders and the despairing dive of Seny Dieng.

Hull prowled all over the pitch in the first half, not giving the rangers a seconds rest, but were unable to increase their lead before half-time. Things were so bad for QPR in the first half, that Neil Critchley plumped for a double change at the break. This made it 3 changes made with 45 minutes still to play, having already lost Kenneth Paal to injury in stoppage time.

Sinclair Armstrong, Andre Dozzell and Jake Clarke-Slater were the trio trusted to turn things around for the visitors. It looked to be working for a full 15 minutes before normal service was resumed.

Hull had really been on the back foot in the second half, but a Tiger is made more dangerous when it’s backed into a corner and in the 62nd minute the Tigers bit back. Regaining possession just inside the opposition half the ball was played up to Connolly, the QPR defender’s wrongly assumed he was offside, who played to the whistle and flicked the ball to his right for Ozan Tufan to run onto. He tried to slip it across the box for Oscar Estupian to tap in at the back post, but the ball never made it.

In his haste to prevent this from happening Rob Dickie slid in to deflect the ball away from the expectant Estupian, only to succeed in slamming it into his own net. Hull were 2-0 up 2 minutes after the hour mark, with their first decent attack of the half and had barely had to do anything for it.

Their taste for mauling opponents was renewed by this goal though and with 120 seconds Connolly’s birthday brace was complete. QPR’s resolve had been so thoroughly destroyed by the 2nd Hull goal that they offered no resistance to the third. A simple punt up the middle of the pitch dissolved the visitor’s defence to nothing and with all the time in the world, not to mention the freedom of the whole East Riding, Connolly was able to pick his spot and caress the ball into the bottom right corner with consummate ease.

With the Birthday brace complete for Connolly he was taken off 6 minutes from time to the most insane wall of sound I have ever experienced at a football ground. He was deservedly named Man Of The Match, just to put the cherry on top of his birthday cake. A hat-trick was just out of his reach, with Dieng twice grabbing the ball off his head as he went to nod it in.

In the final 20 minutes Dieng was the only thing stopping Hull adding to their lead, but no bother they still ran out 3-0 winners at half-time. The hosts ran rangers ragged for 75 minutes in this match and were incredible value for their first win of 2023.

The hosts owed the victory in no small part to the best atmosphere I have ever experienced at a football match.

If you get the chance to go to Hull, in either the home or away end, I encourage you to do so. They combine a relaxed outlook on outsiders with a visceral passion for their team in a way few other fans can. It’s even better when the opposition is ‘getting mauled by the Tigers’ of course, but I can’t guarantee that part of the experience.

Saturday 1st April 2023: EFL League Two: Eco-Power Stadium: Doncaster Rovers vs Crewe Alexandra

With the backlog of blogs that I accrued in January, due to technical issues, it has been a long time since I wrote a blog on the day of the game itself. This one couldn’t wait.

Never have I been so angry to have wasted a day at a football ground. Even Barrow AFC postponing the game I was going to after I’d already made the long trek up from Manchester didn’t infuriate me this much. At least that was down to circumstances outside of the team’s control.

Today I travelled to South Yorkshire to watch a team succumb willingly to a humiliation at the hands of visitors, who hadn’t won away from home since mid-October and hadn’t done so with goals from open play since the first game of the season way back in July.

Throughout the match the home individuals looked like a group of people picked off the streets and dumped on the field. If they had any inkling of what football was or how to play it there was no discernible evidence of this knowledge.

They didn’t even seem to know what colour their teammates were wearing. Even 5 yard passes, that were supposed to pass for clearances, went to someone in Crewe’s blue away kit (the hosts were in Red and White hooped shirts).

It only took The Railwaymen 31 minutes to open the scoring due to their own troubles locating the goal. Until Courtney Baker-Richardson broke the deadlock by unleashing a thunderbolt across the Donny ‘keeper’ it appeared that Crewe simply had no idea there was a goal in the stadium.

Once they’d located it and opened the scoring they wasted just 7 minutes before doubling their lead. Their second coming from a simple corner to the front post, where Connor O’Riordan was able to flick the ball on and over the line unchallenged.

If Doncaster were completely ineffectual on the defence, their attacking play was essentially non-existent. James Beadle, the Crewe goalkeeper, could have taken a nap on top of the goal for at least the whole first half and no-one in the stadium would have noticed.

The hosts barely improved after the break, despite a double half-time substitution. I only stayed till the final whistle because I had hours till my train and nothing else to do in town.

I will no torture you with an account of the second half as I have no wish to relive it. Having to sit through it once was bad enough.

The gap between Doncaster and the drop into non-league sat at 19 points before kick-off. Their shameful display today has cut that to 16 and with 7 games to go it is entirely plausible that they could drop like a stone, out of the 92 and into the chasm of non-league.

It would be a just punishment for a team of professional players who can turn in such an insipid performance. The home fans spend their hard earnt wages to support their team and for this to be their reward is disgraceful.

There were many fans chanting for the manager to be sacked as boos rang out at the final whistle, but if they get their wish most of the playing squad should be following him out the door.

Performances like the one they turned in today would be an embarrassment to players in the 10th tier of English football let alone the 4th.

I wish this this was an April Fools joke blog, then at least I wouldn’t have wasted a say of my life I can never get back. Unfortunately it is not!

Sunday 29th January 2023: Women’s FA Cup 4th Round: Etihad Academy Stadium: Manchester City vs Sheffield United

In a month dedicated to my football travels I made it to the last weekend of the month without making it to a Women’s match. So I decided it was far past time to change that and chose the FA Cup 4th round as the time for it to happen. The Etihad academy was the place and the visitors to this altar of Women’s football were Sheffield United from the Women’s Championship.

Any second division team coming to the home of one of the best teams in England were always going to struggle. Things looked particularly grim for the visitors from South Yorkshire, as they hadn’t won in the league since the third game of the season. You didn’t have to know anything about football to spot from 100 miles away who was going to come out on top here. Sheffield United were coming here as lambs to the slaughter whose only hope was to keep the score down. A though task against a team who had won two of their last three games 6-0.

It was one way traffic from the first whistle to the last, as the hosts pinned their victims in their own area for the duration. The first 15 minutes of this attack vs defence training session were kept goalless thanks to the heroic efforts of the Yorkshire 11, but a minute later their resolve was broken.

Kadisha ‘Bunny’ Shaw was the lady to break the deadlock and set Man City on their simple Sunday stroll in the park, to victory. The ball was played up to Chloe Kelly in the right channel; she wrong footed Nina Wilson, in the Sheffield goal, and laid the ball into Bunny’s path to stroke home into the unguarded net. There can be few simpler goals scored in the past decade.

With the defences smashed it now just became a question of how many City would get as they sent wave upon wave of attacks against the broken Sheffield defence. It took them a full 22 minutes to double their advantage and I still don’t know how it took so long. City had the run of the pitch and the only time Sheffield attempted to get near the ball was within the 6 yard box around their goal. They protected that area like the lives of everyone they’d ever met depended on it.

Even this dogged spirit of survival at all costs was not enough in the 38th minute though. A simple cross from the left was allowed to sweep across the box unmolested. It made it all the way through to Chloe Kelly at the back post and she made the wise call not to look this gift horse in the mouth. Kelly slammed the ball home with the power of someone letting out all their frustration of a player making up for the 11 months of her career lost to an ACL injury.

The venom of this finish inspired City to complete their trifecta of goals before half-time, with the last kick of the half. A half in which the visitors failed to register a shot on target. Intricate interplay between the previous goalscorers ended with a crisp cross across the 6 yard box, which was collected by Deyna Castellanos in the centre. The Spaniard was afforded the time to spin and tap the ball into a, yet again, unguarded goal.

Seeing the ease with which the goals that had been scored left many of the home fans underwhelmed at the paltry 3 goal advantage their team carried down the tunnel. This palpable disappointment was expertly dispelled early in the second half, as Bunny and Julie Blakstad had made the host’s lead unassailable within 7 minutes of the restart.

As in the first half Bunny went first, squirming her second under the statuesque keeper from the edge of the penalty area. Found by a short free-kick along the ground, with her back to goal, Bunny spun on the spot before releasing the ball from her feet at the speed of an arthritic slug and it still found it’s way through the obstacles before it and into the back of the net.

Blakstad’s goal 2 minutes later was even simpler. Sheffield United dithered on the ball on the edge of the box, the ball was duly nicked off them and slid through for Blakstad to guide home from point blank range. Having seen her teammate get a brace Blakstad decided she wanted one too. She would get what she wanted when she made it 6-0 to City in the 78th minute. Blakstad’s brace came from a corner from the left, she held the nearby defenders at arms length and shovelled the ball over the keeper and into the net.

Not to be outshone Bunny decided to complete her hat-trick with 3 minutes left in the match. A miscommunication in the Sheffield defence left Kelly and Shaw sprinting free in behind the backline. Kelly chose the unselfish option to slide the ball left for Shaw to slip under the keeper. This simple Seventh summarised the slaughter of Sheffield; simple, sumptuous play that tore Sheffield to shreds. The visitors managed a single shot in the whole 90 minutes and, shocking no-one, they didn’t even get it on target.

Losing such a one-sided exhibition of how to destroy your opponents is at least on small silver lining for Sheffield United to take back across the Pennines. If their defence had buckled straight away the City’s final score could easily have been doubled.

For City it was a case of ‘Lambs slaughtered, now onto the proper challenge’. That proper challenge was closing the 5 point gap to their cross city rivals, occupying the final Champions League qualification spot, in the WSL.

I wish them the best of luck with that. Though judging by their performance here they hardly need it.

Saturday 14th January 2023: League Two: Brunton Park: Carlisle United vs Newport County

A fortnight before my abortive trip to Barrow in South Cumbria I headed to the north of Cumbria and their mortal rivals, Carlisle United. The Cumbrians, sitting pretty in the playoff positions, welcomed The Exiles to their Brunton Park home for an international showdown in the driving wind and rain of the North Cumbrian winter.

Graham Coughlan’s Newport County made the trip north from the south Welsh valleys on the back of 4 consecutive draws and having not won since December 2nd 2022. Having not won in over a month, lost a slew of loan players returning home in the transfer window and languishing in 18th place, it was unsurprising that they could only tempt 168 of their fans to make the trip with them. All the signs pointed to an easy victory for the hosts.

Once the hosts, in deep blue, got the game underway however the reality was as far from expectations as the positions of Tony Stark and Steve Rodgers in Captain America: Civil War.
County hadn’t made such a long journey just to roll over and have their belly tickled. The visitors established an iron grip on the ball and challenged their hosts to take it from them.

The Ironsides’ iron grip on both possession and territory almost bore fruit less than 120 seconds into proceedings. Tomas Holy miscued a goal kick straight to the Offrande Zanzala 10 yards from target but, luckily for the Cumbrian’s keeper, the resulting shot flew the wrong side of the left post with an open goal to aim at.

Just how much that gloriously spurned chance was down to the abysmal weather conditions both teams were having to battle more than their opposite numbers will never be known. One thing that quickly became obvious though was that neither side wanted to adapt to the conditions.

Newport kept trying to break through the home defence by blasting long balls over the top, where the wind would invariably sweep it away from it’s intended landing zone. This tactic did have the desirable side-effect of hemming the hosts into their defensive third. All they could do on the rare occasion the ball broke to their feet was attempt a similar long ball blast upfield, with predictable results.

The only player on either team who didn’t succumb to this punt and pray playing style in the first half hour was John-Kymani Gordon, Carlisle’s January loan signing from Crystal Palace. Getting the ball down on the turf then surging forward with it surgically attached to his boots was more his style. Unfortunately without any support he found himself consistently being forced down blind alleys by the visiting defenders.

Not that he had much chance to try out these innovative ideas much in the first half as it was all hands to the pumps for the hosts in their efforts to prevent Newport keeping the ball forever.

After all surely if Newport had enough time on the ball they would finally find a way to get the scoreboard ticking over. The closest Newport would come to doing so was from a cross deep on the left that was headed agonisingly over the bar at the back post, before the hosts took the lead.

Carlisle had barely been in the game at all before they opened the scoring in the first of 2 added minutes at the end of the regulation 45. The goal itself was one fitting for the quality of the match so far and owed far more to the conditions than the efforts of either set of players.

Carlisle punted the ball into the Exiles’ area and in an attempt to clear the ball a defender misjudged the flight of the ball let it dribble off the back of his head to drop free in the 6 yard box. Kristian Dennis was lurking in the right place to stab the ball home from point blank range, with the final touch of the half, to hand the hosts the leads on the stroke of half-time.

In a show of confidence Newport were out first for the second half and when they got us underway again the visitors went straight back to hemming Carlisle back into their area. This time however, the hosts were unwilling to simply surrender to their fate and, with the goal providing motivation, they set about showing their visitors why they’re the ones challenging for automatic promotion.

It fell to their newbie, John-Kymani Gordon, to double their advantage as the game ambled towards the hour mark. Picked out on the left touchline he bought the ball down with sartorial elegance and tied the opposition in knots with his mazy run into the box, before sweeping the ball under Joe Day in the Port goal.

Gordon carved Newport open with the consummate ease of a player plying his trade 3 divisions below the level he trains at. He is certainly one for the future with his parent club and hopefully when he returns to them next season he will get the chance to test himself at the top level.
In a show of confidence Newport were out first for the second half and when they got us underway again the visitors went straight back to hemming Carlisle back into their area. This time however, the hosts were unwilling to simply surrender to their fate and, with the goal providing motivation, they set about showing their visitors why they’re the ones challenging for automatic promotion.

It fell to their newbie, John-Kymani Gordon, to double their advantage as the game ambled towards the hour mark. Picked out on the left touchline he bought the ball down with sartorial elegance and tied the opposition in knots with his mazy run into the box, before sweeping the ball under Joe Day in the Port goal.

Gordon carved Newport open with the consummate ease of a player plying his trade 3 divisions below the level he trains at. He is certainly one for the future with his parent club and hopefully when he returns to them next season he will get the chance to test himself at the top level.

The host’s second goal arrived in the 57th minute and from there Newport’s defiance was broken. It looked like Carlisle’s strikers could now simply fill their boots and boost their goal difference to aid with their promotion push. It was not to be.

The final half hour would pass without either goalkeeper facing further tests. The closest either keeper came to being beaten was 10 minutes from time when Jack Armer burst into the box to collect the ball in the left channel, but even with the Day prone and powerless Armer managed to guide the ball into his gloves.

Carlisle had to be content with just a 2-0 victory as they closed the gap on Northampton above them to just 4 points with a game in hand, providing a huge boost to their hopes of automatic promotion.

Newport were done with this game as soon as the host’s second crossed the line, but they were unfortunate not to leave with a point for their first half efforts as they remained in 18th place. The gap to the relegation zone was still a healthy 7 points, but both teams currently in the zone had games in hand over them.

Carlisle won this battle between England and Wales now all that remains for them is to head up the football league. On the evidence of today’s game they shouldn’t have a problem with that. Teams on the way to promotion or titles always find a way to win when not at their best and that’s what The Cumbrians did here.

Monday 6th March 2023: Premier League: Gtech Community Stadium: Brentford vs Fulham

Derby Day – The first match every fan looks for when the season’s fixture list is announced. There is no better game to attend than the showdown against your local rivals on your home patch and now it was Brentford’s turn. They had yet to face a true local rival on home ground and today was the day.

Revenge, that was what was on my mind as I took my seat. I had been unable to secure a ticket to see Brentford head to Craven Cottage, only for them to lose 3-2 to a 90th minute Mitrovic winner. That was the third game of the season when Fulham were just the newly promoted prawn sandwich brigade round the corner, so to lose against them then was particularly galling. Especially since it evened up the head to head record at 23 wins each.

Now both of us sat on the brink of Europe, Bees were on home turf and a win for the red army would see us close the gap on them to a single point with a game in hand. Revenge would be sweet.

So it would prove to be as Brentford tore into their visitors from the first whistle, despite the treacherous conditions under foot. Bryan Mbuemo had already fired a shot agonisingly over the bar before the hosts took the lead in the sixth minute through Ethan Pinnock, a central defender. A corner broke to him on the edge of the box and he rifled the ball through the forest of legs in front of him.

Deadlock broken and all I know was that the ball was in the net as I went ballistic, such is the effect of seeing your team open the scoring in a derby. Not as ballistic as the fans behind the goal to my right though, it took the stewards five minutes to clear the flare from the pitch and allow the action to get back underway.

Having taken the lead the quality of Brentford’s attacking play decreased massively. Christian Norgaard was the next to try his luck, but his effort from distance ballooned into row ZZ. It didn’t help matters for the hosts that Fulham had resorted to some seriously cynical tackles to break up play.

Eventually the lack of end product and the rash tackles from Fulham started to curtail the Bee’s momentum. By the half hour mark the visitors had established a firm foothold in the match and were starting to put together some genuinely threating forays forward of their own.

The visitors equaliser arrived from the boot of their super-sub Manor Solomon, in from the start today, with just over 5 minutes of the first half remaining. Fulham were gifted a dubious freekick within striking distance of goal and when the strike cannoned off the bar Solomon was there, somehow unmarked, to smash the ball home.

Infuriated is far too docile a word to describe the feeling coursing through my soul at this point. To go in level at half-time when we had bossed the majority of the play would at least give the players motivation for the second half.

Frustration proved to be the perfect motivation as the Bees burst out of the traps once more, but this time there were a full 8 minutes between kick-off and the establishment of a home lead. We could not have wished for a kinder gift from the prawn sandwich brigade than the melee which led to the awarding of the penalty. Our attack was headed down a blind alley in the box when Fulham’s defence decided to implode and bundle our striker to the ground.

Ivan Toney simply does not miss penalties and so it proved to be again. He stroked this one into the bottom right corner of the goal. Sure Bernd Leno guessed the right way but even a keeper of his calibre stood no chance against such a sumptuous strike.

Once the flare had been cleared this time Brentford were able to maintain their momentum, even with the ref applying liberal use of the whistle, and looked like the only team capable of scoring for the rest of the half. The home defence were keeping Mitrovic and Willian satisfyingly silent.

It took until the 85th minute for the hosts to secure the 3 points with their third goal of the game. Mathias Jensen, much maligned by certain sections of the home fans for being always one pass short of great, was the man who put the seal on this derby day destruction. The set up was all Kevin Shade, on the pitch for just 10 minutes, who shimmied his way down the right wing, beating opponent after opponent, before cutting the ball back to the waiting Jensen. From there the midfield maestro simply had to direct it into the bottom corner and victory was assured.

With the 3 points now firmly in the bag Brentford relaxed for the first time in the half. In fact they relaxed so much that Thomas Frank decided to change formation to a 5-2-3 to see out the 8 minutes of added time. Pontus Jansson returned to action for the first time in months, but perhaps he was a little rusty as Fulham were able to grab a consolation second in added time.

A simple ball over the top caught the hosts defence comatose and the recently introduced Carlos Vinicius was able to nip in to tap the ball past David Raya. It was only his second ever goal for Fulham but unfortunately for him it was not the second equaliser.

Brentford secured revenge over their local rivals for their early season humiliation and restored their lead in the head-to-head battle. Now the only thing left to do is beat them to European Qualification by the end of May. With a 12-game unbeaten run in and now just a point behind them we have an excellent chance of achieving this goal.

Come On You Bees

Sunday 5th March 2023: FA Women’s League Cup: Selhurst Park: Arsenal vs Chelsea

It was freezing cold on the first Sunday on March 2023 and I was crammed into Selhurst Park, full to the brim with 19,000 fellow fans waiting patiently for the London Derby to kick-off. I had not however, come to see Crystal Palace face down a North London league rival. No, I was in this historic stadium for the showdown between Arsenal and Chelsea, the two greatest teams that Women’s football in the capital has to offer.

The only problem for both teams was going to be scoring goals. Both were without some of their most potent finishers. Arsenal would have to do without both Beth Mead and Vivianne Miedema, who are both side-lined with ACL injuries and Chelsea have been shorn of Fran Kirby (Knee) and Pernille Harder (Hamstring) through injury.

Mead and Miedema have been out for months already for the Gunners, but in that time none of their replacements up front have scored more than a single goal each. The situation in Chelsea’s front-line is less dire. They still had the potency of Sam Kerr to finish off the chances and had bought in Lauren James in January to bolster their attacking options.

Other good omens for Chelsea included that Arsenal hadn’t beaten them in their previous 5 meetings, since the opening day of last season and this final is a re-run of 2020 when the blues run out 2-0 winners.

It took just 97 seconds for Sam Kerr to give Chelsea the lead. Erin Cuthbert launched the ball forward to Kerr, who held it up brilliantly before slipping it out to James on the right. Her cross floated it’s way over everyone, but when the ball was recycled to Guro Reiten on the left her cross to the back post was pinpoint accurate. All Kerr had to do at the back post was rise higher than the waiting James and nod the ball in from point blank range. She obliged with aplomb and Chelsea were on their way to what looked like a simple victory.

If Chelsea had continued to push forward and asserted their control of proceedings it may have been such a victory, but instead they chose to sit back, invite pressure and allow Arsenal to build up a head of steam. Luckily for the Blues nothing in the next 10 minutes gave any hint that their opponents had ever played in the penalty area before.

Arsenal drew scored the equaliser in the 16th minute. The ball ran through to an unmarked Stina Blackstenius 10 yards from goal, having deflected off a defender’s leg, and she did the rest, cooling slotting it past Ann-Katrin Berger and propelling Arsenal back to parity. It took just 8 minutes from the restoration of parity for the Gunners to take the lead as Kim Little powered in from 12 yards.

Little had started the move with a glorious outside of the boot flick up to Katie McCabe, who was hacked down as she twisted inside to set up for a shot. Kim is as lethal as a cyanide injection from the penalty spot and slammed it home to the keeper’s right.

Arsenal now had the lead and unlike their illustrious city rivals they showed no sign of resting on their laurels and surrendering the initiative. They kept their feet on Chelsea’s throats and doubled their lead in the dying moments of the half, on the fourth occasion that they untied ball and net. Their third successful attempt at this mission had been ruled out for offside in the build up.

When Arsenal got their third goal that counted it came off the boot of Chelsea midfielder Niamh Charles. In defence of Charles she had the right idea, to try and clear a dangerous corner from the right, but her touch bounced the wrong way and the next I knew Berger was picking the ball out of the net. Arsenal led 3-1 at the break and were proving that even without Mead and Miedema they still knew how to score goals.

Emma Hayes has won so much as Chelsea manager so she is no stranger to making the tough decisions and she showed this at half-time by removing Charles from the action at half-time and sending on Melanie Leupolz on in her stead. This was not the first Chelsea substitution of the match though, as Jelena Cankovic got hooked with just 39 minutes gone, with Kadeisha Buchanan given the task of justifying such an early introduction.

Neither of these changes had the desired effect for the blues though and nor did the introductions of Johanna Rytting Kaneryd and Jessie Fleming, for Magdalena Eriksson and Sophie Ingle respectively. Their opponents had them pinned back into their own area within a minute of the restart.

The Gunners were unable to translate their dominance into goals though, even when Berger passed a goal kick straight into Blackstenius’ path in the 51st minute, as the second half devolved into a competitive midfield battle. Arsenal were consistently shading the battle, but whenever they ranged forward the thin blue line stopped them in their tracks.

The Gunners would spend the rest of the half lining up shots to break that thin blue line to dust without success, but at 3-1 up they could live with that and as the game reached it’s conclusion it showed. It took till the 70th minute for Chelsea to get any kind of forward momentum and till the final 10 of proceedings for them to translate that momentum into a credible goal threat.

In that final 10 minutes Chelsea threw everything they had at the Gunner’s backline. James, Erin Cuthbert, Reiten, Kerr and Buchanan all took their own pot-shots at glory, but despite all that firepower the Blues were unable to find the breakthrough they needed to provide hope of an increasingly unlikely comeback. For the final 5 minutes the ‘away’ team were even willing to weaken their backline. They went full send on their attacking philosophy and sent Millie Bright up from centre back to play as striker.

Ultimately though, nothing Chelsea tried worked and when the final whistle blew it was Arsenal who were left celebrating shooting down their first trophy since 2019. They may have forgotten how to win in the intervening years, but they certainly remembered how to celebrate.

Chelsea were left contemplating how a team that they have had the number of for the past 18 months, and without their two main goalscorers, could brush them aside so easily. They needed to work out the answer quickly as now they only had the FA Cup and WSL titles to defend.

Friday 27th January 2023: FA Cup 4th Round: Etihad Stadium: Manchester City vs Arsenal

City had already defeated one big London team in the Third Round they should hardly have been quaking at the thought of hosting another capital team in the Fourth Round. Sure this London team were the Gunners, the only team above them in the league table.

They were also fresh off back to back wins against Tottenham and Manchester United, the same United that had recently beaten City 2-1 in the derby. Oh and Arsenal are managed by Mikel Arteta, who had been Pep Guardiola’s assistant at City and thus had an encyclopaedic knowledge of their tactics.

Of course none of this mattered to Man City, after all they were at home and can beat anyone there, except Brentford (2-1, Saturday 12th November 2022, see ‘Pure Insanity At The Etihad).

For my part I was intrigued to see who would win this showdown between the best teams in the country. One from Manchester, the other the Kings of North London, a real North vs South showdown.

Arsenal kicked us off, with the young Matt Turner in goal, and decided that the psychical game was the key to stopping City’s silky skills tearing them apart. Within 2 minutes Haaland had already been thrown to the ground by Rob Holding and it seemed the Norwegian genius would have to get used to that treatment as the ref just let it go.

Both teams decided that the best defence was an overwhelming offence and they each came close to breaking the deadlock within the first 5 minutes. First the hosts slipped a great ball through to Bernardo Silva, but he ballooned his effort over the bar with only Turner to beat. Then it was the visitors turn to waste a great opportunity, Bukayo Saka inches away from connecting with a tantalising cross to the back post.

With both teams steaming forward at 1,000mph at every opportunity it was inevitable that the mistakes would creep in soon. They took just 10 minutes to rear their ugly head when Stefan Ortega, in the City goal, sent a goal kick sailing into the stride of Saka 20 yards from goal. The collective sigh of relief when Saka was unable to punish this with a clinical finish gave me goosebumps.

Neither set of supporters needed to worry much about seeing the opposition ripple their net though as, despite the intricate and inspired build-up play, both sets of strikers had left their shooting boots at home. The way both teams built from the back or hit their opponents on the break at breakneck speed could be made into instructional videos on how to do it. The work of the strikers into videos of everything not to do with the goal at your mercy.

The lack of goals was not for a lack of effort of brilliance in either team’s play, Ilkay Gundogan and Leandro Trossard being the main tormentors of the opposition for City and Arsenal respectively. The game had everything except a decent finisher, if either team could find it they would be home and dry.

Arsenal went searching for this elusive goal in the second half by removing Trossard from the fray in the 66th minute and Bukayo Saka in the 74th, their two most threatening players so far. Sending on Oleksandr Zinchencko and Martin Odegaard in the search for goals was a strange call from Arteta, a defender and a creative midfielder are not the natural places to turn especially when you’ve just gone behind.

With both team’s strikers misfiring in front of goal it fell to Nathan Ake to break the deadlock for the hosts. He surged onto the ball as it cannoned back off the left post and drove his shot across the body of Turner and in off the base of the right post to cue euphoria in the home ends. It was the first moment of true quality in either penalty area all match and it would also be the last.

Having taken the lead City were content to sit back and protect their lead against a dangerous set of Gunners. Unfortunately for the fans who had travelled all this way north of the capital the guns continued to misfire, despite setting siege to the host’s goal for much of the remainder of the match. It was actually City who came closest to providing another goal, through World Cup winner Julian Alvarez. The Argentine launched a solo sortie into Arsenal territory and smashed the ball towards goal from 30yards. He seared Turner’s hands, but without a teammate gambling for a simple tap-in City’s lead remained just the singular goal.

It would remain so till the final whistle as Alvarez’s hail mary shot was the only decent goal threat from either team between Ake’s goal and the ref calling time. Most of the home fans had called time on their attendance before Alvarez went for the spectacular though. The home stands were more sparsely populated than the Gobi desert at full-time.

City won the battle for the North as they march onto probable FA Cup success, but as I write it is their visitors from the South still lead in their league battle. City won this battle, but Arsenal may yet win the war.

Sunday 8th January 2023: FA Cup 3rd Round: Etihad Stadium: Manchester City vs Chelsea

The FA Cup 3rd round is always a historic weekend of football and this season is just so happened to coincide with my first weekend in my new city of Manchester. The Etihad Stadium is just a short jaunt down the road from my new abode. Thus as the draw was made I was keeping an eye on just what potential banana skin would be thrown City’s way and what lower league team did they get drawn against… Oh, just Graham Potter’s Chelsea.

So on my first weekend in Manchester I had lucked out with a toe-to-toe tussle between two Premier League heavyweights right on my doorstep. I thought I was in for the highest quality, end-to-end confrontations for the purist that I could ever hope to witness. I couldn’t have been any more hopelessly naïve.

Sure Chelsea were fielding a rotated team; with N’golo Kante, Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang, Christian Pulisic, Ruben Loftus-Cheek, Edouard Mendy, Raheem Sterling and Reece James all omitted from the matchday squad (most for injury reasons). Even so it was shocking and embarrassing, for the Londoners, just how easily a City side without Erling Haaland or Kevin De Bruyne brushed them aside.

This match took place just 3 days after City had beat the visitors 1-0 in the league down in London and I thought Chelsea would be out for revenge and would really take the game to their hosts. However, from the first whistle it was City tore out of the traps, shoving Chelsea firmly onto the back foot and then the hosts ensured their visitors stayed there for the rest of the 90 minutes.

The match began so badly for the visitors that when they managed to get a touch after 5 minutes had already elapsed, they chose to use it to time waste. Surely that was intended to break up City’s rhythm and give them a chance to formulate a plan of how to get a foothold in the game. It didn’t work.

At the very least it gave Chelsea none of the initiative and did nothing to loosen City’s iron grip on possession. Chelsea’s timewasting had seemed to make City a little reluctant to bring the ball out of their back line though. As such Chelsea were allowed to maintain parity with their hosts for a full 23 minutes, before Riyad Mahrez shattered that illusion with a sumptuous freekick over the wall and into the top right postage stamp.

Now with the lead on the scoresheet and with Chelsea’s defensive wall crumbled to pieces City had doubled their lead before the half hour mark. They were slightly helped out by VAR gifting them a penalty for handball, from an incident that I couldn’t see properly from my vantage point high up at the other end of the ground. Julian Alvarez stepped up to slide the ball under the dive of Kepa Arrizabalaga launching himself to his right. The keeper did get a glove on it, but his wrists were weak and the ball slipped through it and into the net.

Gifting City a two-goal lead was a questionable call from Potter’s visitors as they tend to simply accelerate away from you at that point. So it proved to be here as Foden added the host’s third a full seven minutes before half time. This triggered a flood of away fans out of their seats and onto the concourse for an early half-time drink.

I was surprised to see that many of them actually returned for the second half as by this point the match was over as a contest. City could now look forward to the Fourth Round, but before that there was still 45 minutes of this victory parade for them to enjoy.

One person who had distinctly not enjoyed that first half was Chelsea manager Graham Potter, who sent his team out early for the second half with two changes to their beleaguered personnel. Mateo Kovacic and Kai Havertz were removed from the field, with Denis Zakaria and Wesley Fofana being sent on as the twin silver bullets to resurrect their team’s hopes of a result. The silver bullets failed spectacularly.

There were a few green shoots of hope in the early exchanges of the half, particularly when their first attack in forever saw Rodri pick up the first yellow of the match in the 55th minute. Those green shoots were decisively pruned by a double City substitution just before the hour mark. Rodri was taken off to protect him for the next round, Sergio Gomez joined him in making way for Kalvin Phillips and Joao Cancelo.

From this point onwards the game devolved into a monotonous groundhog day. City hogged possession and pinned Chelsea back into their penalty area without ever threatening to get the scoresheet ticking over again. The turgidity of the fare on offer could have sent any insomniac into a coma so deep they would sleep through a nuclear war.

The visitors were last season’s beaten finalists in both domestic cups, but this was the performance of a team on the brink of collapse. Sure you play in blue Chelsea, but you’re not in Everton’s position yet. Despite the dreadful attacking play from both team, Guardiola point blank refused to bring on either Haaland or DeBruyne to spice things up. I fully understand not risking your best players in a tie you’ve already decisively won, but the match was crying out for the invention and forward thinking brilliance they can provide.

Despite both teams having gone to the beach long ago, there was one last tick over of the scoreline 6 minutes from the final whistle. Don’t get too excited, it’s not a goal from some gloriously incisive open play, it’s just another City penalty. A Chelsea defender bundled an attacker going nowhere to the turf and Riyad Mahrez had the chance to add his team’s fourth goal from 12 yards. He made no mistake, slipping the ball under Kepa’s despairing dive.

That was the last notable act of a game that saw Chelsea dumped out of a competition they have reached the final of 5 times in the last 6 seasons at the first time of asking this season.

For their part City’s reward for destroying Chelsea was a home draw against Premier League leaders Arsenal in the 4th round. Since that was also on my doorstep I decided it would be rude not to go to that game too.

So less than 3 weeks later I was back at the Etihad to see who won that actual high-quality end-to-end confrontation for the purists.

Losing 5-2 at home is enough to knock any team’s confidence. So to be facing your fiercest domestic rivals, where the hatred is visceral, in the same stadium just 12 days later ought to end awfully. Just one problem with that though, no-one told Liverpool.

They’re always at their best when no-one gives them a hope in hell of getting a result, I learnt that back on 25th May 2005. Now the world has seen that never-say-die attitude in full force once again.

Facing a United team on the back of some incredible form, unbeaten since 22nd January, the scousers tore them to shreds. Sure it took the Reds 43 minutes to take the lead but that was just how long it took to translate their dominance from pitch to scoresheet. Once they had the lead they didn’t let up, they became the team they were last season and blew they opponents away.

The match ended 7-0 to the hosts. Along with bragging rights over their rivals, this result also gives their fans hope that the return to the behemoth that came just 2 games away from quadruple immortality may not be as far away as they feared. In even better news, both Nunez and Gakpo secured braces so at least the future looks secure.

AFC Bournemouth, glued to the bottom of the table, are the next opponents for Klopp’s rebuilding reds. To show true progress they need to back-up tonight’s humiliation of their near neighbours with a similarly positive result on the south coast. Secure that and they can head to Mission Impossible: Santiago Bernabéu in 10 days time.

Failure to secure the full 3 points in Hampshire would see this 7-0 relegated to the status of yet another false dawn in a season that has been full of them so far.